If you’ve ever thought to yourself:
“I’m done with relationships, I always get Sh*! on.”
“Why do people always think it’s okay to walk all over me?”
“I can’t trust anyone. As soon as you need them, they let you down.”
Well, (brace yourself) you’ll probably be surprised to know that you are likely contributing to the problem. That’s the bad news. I wish I could make that part of this lesson sting a little less. Sorry, I’ve tried! If you think of a way, email me.
But at least there’s an ‘upside' which is that, if it’s YOU, then you can control it. This puts you back in the driver's seat of your own life and gives you a chance to change your circumstances.
Now that the sting is over (yeah, right Kim… you just told me it’s all my fault, that’s gonna sting for awhile), we can get on to the “get control back in your life part.”
Here’s how it works. People can’t use you if you don’t let them. People don’t step on you when you practice discernment in your life with unhealthy individuals and, as we say, "teach people how to treat you."
Let’s talk about discernment. Many of our clients get confused about that word.
“But isn’t that being judgmental,” they ask? I’m here to tell you, being picky or discerning about who you allow in your life and who you do not goes a long way toward emotional safety, if not also physical safety. We can achieve this by understanding that broken people are not ‘bad’. They are hurting, and hurt people, hurt people.
One of my clients said it best, “I might as well be mad at fire for being hot, but I don’t have to stand in the flames.”
When you are discerning about those in your life you can trust others again, because you can trust yourself to choose trust-WORTHY people and to exit relationships with those who aren’t.
Wanna talk about “teaching people how to treat us?” Well, we do that through boundaries. If you want to know more about boundaries, check out our blog Boundaries with the Boundary-less.
Suffice it to say, when you claim your space in relationships it makes it harder for others to try to take it over.