Vow: a solemn promise or assertion
Specifically: one by which a person is bound to an act, service, or condition
Merriam-Webster
If you are married, do you remember the ‘vows’ or ‘promises’ you made to your spouse at your wedding? I often ask this question of couples in marriage counseling and mostly the answer is “no”, regardless of how long they have been married. How can we know how we are doing in our marriage if we don’t even remember what we committed to? The vows you and your spouse made when you got married are the ‘contract’ between the two of you.
Did you write your own vows or just repeat what the officiant said? I have been the officiant for a few weddings, and one of the requirements I have for the couple is that each of them write their own vows. This personalizes the commitment to one another.
If you didn’t write your own vows or forgot what they were, it’s not too late. You can do this anytime. It’s a great way to return to the foundations of your marriage. You can also update them as your marriage grows.
I also encourage couples to revisit their vows at least once a year. Anniversaries are a great time to do this. First, look at what you said and evaluate yourself. “How am I doing in what I promised my spouse?” Then, with an open heart and an open mind ready for feedback, show your spouse your vows and ask them “How have I been doing?” This little ritual will assist greatly in keeping your marriage on track and will help in avoiding complacency in your marriage - one of it’s great killers.
Having trouble writing your vows? First, start with why you love the other person and why you married them (or want to marry them if you are not married yet). Then, think of all the things you promise to do for them - big and small and write “I promise to…”. Before long, you will have a good list to reference for years to come.
Looking for a marriage counselor in Boise? Call 208-991-4696 to book an appointment.
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